Tesco, twats and sneeringly self-satisfied apathy.

'Britain' and 'Apathy' are two words that seem made for each other. Apathy is talked about as if it were a symbol of our nation-state, a trait that is as fundamentally British as cold-resistance is to the Inuit. Our politicians lament how lazy, ill-informed and weary our voters are, whilst opting for lazy, easy, populist policies that only consider the short term. Our media is similarly populist, fewer and fewer risks are taken until it seems like the only stand-out examples of good television and music are the ones that parody, echo or represent stagnant culture. Shameless, Misfits, depressingly accurate dramas, the haunting, industrial, mechanical grind of Dubstep. Off beat and gleefully ugly. Things like this are our answer to the intricate brilliance of HBO televised series, endlessly witty French cinema or innovative and astonishingly well produced Israeli trance.

And, more and more, people are asking me strange questions about my interests. They ask me 'why do I care?' when I rant about abuses of power in far off lands. Or maybe joke about conspiracy theories after I've quoted the BBC or the Guardian verbatim. If I watch footage of (peaceful) English protesters whisked into unmarked vans by plain-clothes policemen (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bj4yn1RBxHs) and get angry about abuses of freedom of speech, I can guarantee that someone will be around the corner to sneer at my vehemence. But I'm not going to tell people to care about stuff, it's their prerogative. I only get annoyed when someone tells me to stop thinking about the greater issues that affect me. Normally. But then I see shit like this Tesco Mobile advert:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WWc-UBis4uk

Listen to the words carefully. Listen to the fucking words. The people put on silly voices and they are in ridiculous environments, but let me go through this step by fucking step.

Opening scene: Two people, dressed and told to act like twats, are in a serene environment. They then proceed to talk shite:

'We want to live in a word where we communicate with everybody... and nobody.'

OK, premise established. We now know that we are going to be bombarded with intentional clichés for comic effect. The next bunch of twats appear, dressed pretentiously and talking silly, and we expect then to continue the trend.

'I want to live in a world where we are all free to say whatever we want, however we want, where-ever we want.'

Hahaha, those pretentious fucks. Those stupid, overdressed, pompous, upper-middle class fu... wait, weren't they endorsing freedom of speech? Freedom of speech is a good thing, right? Maybe this is a serious advert and they just fucked up that bit at the start. Oh wait, another twat has emerged saying twattish things. Haha, I guess.

Cue fat, adorable Northern guy, with comfortingly un-stylish clothes, an unpretentious plain-white background and a cheeky little face:

'To be honest with you, I'd rather people stop talking nonsense and offer me [a better mobile phone deal]'

That stuff about freedom of speech sounded quite nice really, but I guess it's only elitist intellectuals, worthy of derision, who go for silly things like 'freedom of speech'. I mean, 'freedom of speech' is hardly worth worrying about when I can get a better mobile deal. Don't worry about it, it's not like Tesco have an increasingly strange record regarding censorship, is it?

http://www.guardian.co.uk/business/2004/nov/28/observerbusiness.tesco

http://p10.hostingprod.com/@spyblog.org.uk/blog/2010/01/30/tesco-still-censoring-the-terrorist-hunters-by-andy-hayman.html

Oh. But at least it's funny. Fat people are funny, right? It's Ok if it's funny. And, the sad thing is, a lot of people laughed at the jolly fat man, absorbing the subtle message unconsciously: "Fuck ideas and ideals, think about money.'

Let's read the youtube comments:

"...classssic"

"...XD"

"I love the way he says nonsense!"

"hahaha i love this advert makes me hoot :)"

"Symbolises exactly what is wrong with society.
No-one cares about the bigger picture, they just want to benefit financially from things."

It's a lonely world for the likes of you, aquinas06, who listens to all the words instead of just the ones in the silly voice.

Be shallow. Don't care. That's all absolutely fine. But encouraging other people to be apathetic is like intentionally spreading disease. Fuck off.


Currently in the news:

 World didn't end. The religious people daft enough to think it was going to now say that the absent apocalypse is a 'test of faith' instead of admitting that they were wrong. I am beginning to understand why they used to get fed to lions.